The Why Of... part 1

...To be like Jesus

I guess it’s a choice that still continues to follow me today. I didn’t have to make it. I could have allowed for things to just go on as usual and maybe I wouldn’t be where I am at today. Yet, when I said those words, in a way I make an “unintentional” commitment for my life to take a different path.

She was sitting alone in a bench right outside of the administration building. It was late, people were slowly making themselves back into the dorms but she just sat there staring starry eyed into the dark, void night. As I picked up the pace to walk by her, something had me turn back.

I sat next to her and she gave me a weird look.

“How are you doing?” I asked.

“What do you care?” she responded in a clearly annoyed toned.

There was silence. I wanted to leave so bad but I just couldn’t something held me glued to my seat. And in that moment of silence she put her had between her hands and began to cry.

In the midst of tears she spoke of heartbreak, loss, doubts, evil thoughts, anger, regret, frustrations and the end of it all. She spoke with rage of those who hurt her and was serious about the direction of her life and how to end it.

And as she ended she turned with tears in her eyes and asked, “Why do you care? Why did you turn and sit next to me when everyone else walked right on by?”

I wasn’t expecting that question. I was hoping to answer a much easier one or maybe take up a request for prayer. I guess that when someone is broken they want to know why others even care.

“I want to be like Jesus,” I responded hesitantly and with a bit of doubt.

Her eyes swelled up, tears fell down her cheeks and a peaceful laughter came from her now smiling face. “Well, you’re on the right path,” she said.

She stood up, thanked me and walked away.

We didn’t pray or hug or read the bible but in an unexplainable way God made himself present. It was that day that I can honestly say that I knew that I wanted to do something in which I could show the love of Jesus to every one I met. I didn’t plan to be a pastor; I had put that desire behind me and was now looking forward to a career as a teacher.

Today, I find myself in the seminary, a place that I now that I had intentionally avoided for many years. I’m far from being like Jesus. Every day it is a struggle to be connected to him and reflect his love. My go to verse has been Galatians 2:20 “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

In the end, for me it is about that commitment I made in Puerto Rico. A daily surrender of who I am to be more like Jesus.

I want to be like Jesus. Hold me accountable to it but forgive me if I fail to do so because as you may know, it is a daily fight against our natures.